GRACE.

Perspective:

To what do we hold in our hands. Our every day routines, our accomplishments, our desires, frustrations, our goals and our prerequisites that await us in our calendar every. single. morning before our feet barely even hit the ground running?

Why:

Do you feel the pressure weighing on your shoulders? The stress of the waking, the dressing, the carpooling, the lunch packing, the meal planning, the school functions and homework and meetings and permission slips…the phone calls, the agenda, the clients, the boss? All demanding something from you. Have you been reminded lately to breath deep enough that you feel new air inhaled and your lungs expand like they haven’t in days, weeks or even months?

Purpose:

I was sitting on my couch catching my breath. A day home with my little one consisted of phone calls, and laundry, and dishes, and meals, and school drop offs, and answering to “mommy” no less than five hundred times. There’s no one else in our home to field those calls right now. Just me…and so…I catch a deep breath as the fourth-hundred time comes yelling around the corner full-well-knowing I’ll hear it probably a few hundred more before the night ends. 

As I watched the pasta boil, my preschooler yells in disgust from the other room. (Her milk wasn’t in her desired cup.) Deep breath. “Don’t give in mama. Don’t quit.” I stirred the sauce and checked the garlic bread browning in the warm oven beneath me. “This too shall pass.” 

Sometimes I hate when people say that to me. These moments sure don’t seem to pass quickly enough. She inevitably drank the milk out of her undesirable cup. And not long after found herself snuggling with me. In some divine way a reminder to me that it’s when I feel like I’m in the pit of total failure as a single mother that my daughters really are going to be ok.

They really do need the structure that forms the letters and the grounding that make that one, short syllabled word. “NO.” Why they act continually like its a foreign language will forever escape me. 

I continue to break up a few petty fights over barbies and cook the pasta on the stove. It doesn’t take much to make their bellies happy. Thank goodness. 

I mustered up a bit more energy as I loaded the dishwasher, scrubbed hair with watermelon scented bubbles, and loaded one last load of laundry into the washer. (For today anyway…) After a few rough bouts of tantrums, bickering, fussing over outfits and hair do’s, the day was over. 

Bath times and bed times and over-exhausted, whiny children…and one less than gracious mama leaned in for a few more kisses to end the unraveling of the night. Sometimes bed time is easy. This wasn’t one of those nights. 

Did I even sit down today? Did I remember to breath today? Did I remind them of their worth, and value, and love enough today? When I touched up the paint in the bathroom, and folded the laundry, when I cooked us dinner and chatted about school, when I yelled too loud because I asked them to turn the darn tv off one.more.time…did I do enough? Just as I feel the weight of the job that has been entrusted to me begin to capitalize on my weary emotions..

My oldest leaned out of her canopy on her twin bed: “Hey mom? I’m so sorry for saying that thing I said earlier when I was mad.. Will you forgive me? Will you give me some grace? I’ll try to do better next time. I love you, mom. ” 

She rests her tired eyes and within seconds falls asleep knowing tomorrow is a new day. New mercies with mom every morning. A fresh start will greet her with a hug and a kiss and a smile when she wakes up. She will rest easy knowing that.

But that’s just it. The reminder I needed. Not that I’m a good mom. Trust me. I fail daily. Not that we need to compete, or whose house is cuter, or cleaner or whose kids have better manners or more trophies….None of that is important. 

I’m reminded of Mary and Martha. Martha running around her house frantically cooking and cleaning and tidying up for her guests. (I’m so Martha.)…Mary sitting contently at the feet of Jesus listening intently and learning His love. Scripture reminds us that He says Mary will take this wisdom with her forever. Only “one thing is needed”- and it’s far better. (Luke 10:42)

 Pause.

I’m forced to ask myself…did I cook the pasta with a happy heart? Did I roll my eyes as my monicker was uttered for what sounded like the thousandth time? Did I thank God -not for my overflowing laundry- but a family who wears it all? Were my words gentle, pleasing, and most of all, did I do all of this hard work today for me? Did I find myself running like Martha? Frantic as I kept my home in order and children alive and fed, or am I emulating Mary…sitting at the feet of Jesus and teaching my children to find Him throughout our day. Did I honor my home and all the tasks within as an act of praise ? Did I serve my children as if I were serving Him? And at the end of the day: it took my sassy seven year old to remind me of what I was needing more than a tidy house, folded laundry and warm meals. I needed Grace. And so the roles reversed, because sometimes we spend so much time teaching our children the important lessons, that they’re the ones reminding us….

“Hey God? I’m  so sorry for those rough patches today. For being so frustrated so many times and not serving with the joy I know I ought to have. For struggling to find contentment when all I  need is you. Will you give me some grace, please? Some wisdom to understand this tough job of parenting? I know I can do better, Father. I love you.”

Deep breath, my friend. Grace is yours for the asking. And sometimes all we need to do is reach out and take it.